Chris and Kate Stead have their finances pretty well worked out with minimal disagreements over money.
The 37-year-olds have three children under five with the usual pressures and joys that entails, but they rarely bicker over money.
"I think that we are pretty compatible though I am a much better saver than Kate is," Chris says.
The Sydney couple have an offset account attached to their mortgage into which their pay goes and from which the bills are paid.
Since having children they spend much less on themselves but still allow themselves small indulgences.
Chris, who is a journalist and author, has just spent a weekend at a music festival and Kate is going for a short break to Brisbane with girlfriends.
They each have their own credit card. "We look at each others' statements but not looking at absolutely everything on each other's card," says Kate, who works in marketing.
"We joined our finances when we first took out a mortgage; before that we had separate bank accounts," Kate says.
"We don't agree all of the time but on the big things we come to a point of agreement as it's only money and it's not worth huge arguments about," Kate says.
Chris says he is not always happy with some of the things that Kate buys, but "it's her life".
"I'm sure she's not happy with some of the ways that I spend money, but there are no ridiculous blow-outs [on spending]," Chris says.
Conflicts
Studies show bad spending habits and poor household budgeting often cause conflicts in relationships.
For example, a Relationships Australia survey late last year found that money disagreement affects 70 per cent of couples.
That should not be surprising, says Justine Davies, the editor-in-chief of comparison site Canstar. People have different upbringings, different attitudes money and different spending priorities, she says.
Relationship Australia research has found that disagreements over money are a stronger predictor of divorce than other commonly-cited causes of marital disagreements.
Unresolved financial issues can lead to blame, anger, stress and intimacy problems in relationships.
There is no correct way to manage the household finances, says Elisabeth Shaw, the clinical director at Relationships Australia.
"For some people money is a non-issue – they can have completely separate finances and it means absolutely nothing," Shaw says.
"While, for some other couples, not having their money together says they are not really together," she says.
But what is "amazing" is how often couples do not discuss these things," she says.
They can go for years without any particular discussion about money unless it is a saving for a joint goal like a holiday, she says.
"Usually, it's when there are shared expectations of goals ahead and, in particular, when children come along that it is negotiated," Shaw says.
"Often people are a bit complementary," Shaw says. "Maybe one says 'come on let's treat ourselves' and the other says that 'we need to save a bit more'.
"This kind of gentle complementarity can be the basis for a good working relationship.
"What you are hoping is that it all works out in the wash; so that it is fair and balanced relationship," Shaw says.
Olivia Maragna, financial planner and co-founder of Aspire Retire, says she rarely sees the same money personalities in couples.
What's important is to have both on the same wavelength, but it does not mean that each couple should conform to one ideal type, she says.
Andrew Heaven, an AMP financial planner, says it is important to establish rules for money in a relationship in order to reach shared goals and to remove money from being a stress in a relationship.
"People should have conversations about their values and about their rules on money," he says.
"It's not that they have to agree to one approach but rather that they come to a compromise," Heaven says.
"The key is to acknowledge and respect your spouse's views," he says.
Secrets
Financial planners say couples should set joint savings goals and be candid with each other about spending so that they are on the same page.
Some people, though, feel their partner does not have to know everything.
Comparison site Finder conducted a survey last year that revealed that more than a million people across Australia are likely to have a secret credit card or make purchases their partners do not know about.
Most of the secret spending is on retail, followed by "entertainment" and unexpected bills, the survey suggested.
About 15 per cent of the 1200 survey respondents said they had a secret card or made purchases that they did not tell their partners about. About 55 per cent of those were women. Finder extrapolated its survey results using national credit-card usage data to estimate there is about one million people with secret spending.
Andrew Heaven says there is nothing wrong with each partner agreeing to have a separate account where the money can be spent how they want, but secrets can easily erode trust in a relationship.
Vince Scully, a financial planner and founder of LifeSherpa, says one of the things that he recommends is that people have a "stash" they can spend as they please.
He advises against keeping secrets in a relationship, but encourages clients to put aside some money from their budgets for personal spending.
Ideally, there will be a joint account and each partner will know how much is being transferred into their "stash" accounts for guilt-free spending, he says.
Scully says when people fight over money it is often when they are tired and pre-occupied.
He says couples should schedule a regular time when both of you are relaxed and free of distractions.
"Regularly review where you're at financially, identify issues and set some goals," he says.
Bessie Hassan, money expert at Finder, says holding a savings account with your partner can be a sensible move because it saves on individual account fees and it can make it easier for budgeting when tracking joint expenditure.
"However, it's important that you manage your joint account the right way to avoid things going pear-shaped," she says.
"Define the rules from the outset and decide who will be responsible for managing the account," she says.
"For instance, have a discussion with your partner about who will approve transactions and decide on the amount that you'll both deposit into the account," Hassan says.
Maragna says for those couples with big financial commitments it may be better to have one person running the family finances.
"One chief financial officer in the family is probably enough," Maragna says.
"Of course, the other person needs to know what's going on and, ideally, they could takes turns so that each person stays in the loop," she says.
It is often those boring things, like making a budget, can make biggest difference, Justine Davies says.
Davies says there are great tools for tracking spending and making a budget on the Australian Securities and Investment Commission's website at moneysmart.gov.au under the Managing your Money button.
Credit scores
Many people are unaware if one partner has a poor credit score that when the couple apply for a loan their application may be rejected or the loan amount restricted.
With the advent of the comprehensive credit reporting regime many more types of late payments of bills are recorded on credit records.
"Some people don't realise even the most common mistakes could lead to a poor credit score, including not paying bills on time, applying for multiple lines of credit in a short time-frame and applying for multiple phone plans, " says Izzy Silva from Getcreditscore.
He says many people have worked hard for their credit rating and they don't want to have less borrowing capacity because of a partner's actions.
A survey on behalf of Getcreditscore finds about 70 per cent of people say they are put-off from dating people with bad spending habits and poor household budgeting.
Of the survey respondents who don't own a home and said owning a home is important and are in relationships, three-quarters said they had "no" or "little" idea about their partner's credit score.
Pre-nups can be worthwhile
Most people do not realise that if they just live together for at least two years their financial assets can be divided the same way after a split-up as if the couple had been married for many years.
"Often for people in their 20s that is not what they have signed up for," says Patrick Parkinson, a professor of law at the University of Sydney and special counsel at Watts McCray Lawyers, a family law firm.
He does not generally recommend prenuptial agreements for younger couples as there are too many contingencies, such as how many children they may have eventually, unless they both have very secure financial circumstances.
Prenuptial agreements, which can be also drawn-up for those in de-facto relationships, set out how assets will be divided if the relationship ends. They can be made before and during a relationship.
Professor Parkinson says pre-nups can have value for those in their late 40s and older who are beyond child-bearing age.
They are often starting another relationship where they have significant assets and perhaps have children from a previous relationship whose interests need to be protected, Professor Parkinson says.
Lawyers say pre-nups can also be appropriate for those couples where one person is coming into the relationship with more assets than the other and where one person is expecting to receive an inheritance or gift.
Some pre-nups have been overturned by the courts and some law firms no longer draw them up.
They can be overturned, among other reasons, because they were signed under duress, one partner did not fully disclose their financial assets, or there has been a significant change in the couple's circumstances since the agreement was made.
Professor Parkinson says a valid agreement is binding and ousts the jurisdiction of the courts. He says some have been poorly drafted and anyone thinking of getting a pre-nup should engage a lawyer who is experienced in family law.
