Manu Ma'u was so torn about the prospect of leaving Parramatta for the English Super League that he lost sleep agonising over the decision for two months.
Ma'u confirmed in July he would link with Hull FC on a two-year deal, in a move he revealed he'd turned down several times before accepting it.
One of Parramatta's most damaging forwards of the past six years, Ma'u had interest from the Eels and other NRL clubs before making move.
However the 31-year-old's age continuously counted against him, leaving his best option firmly in England.
"It was hard. There were times I couldn't sleep," Ma'u told AAP.
"I had to think about the offer from Parramatta and the offers from other clubs. I had to make a decision for me and my wife and kids.
"It was a good two months (thinking about it). It was just constantly thinking about it, coming to training and constantly thinking about it.
"What am I doing and am I going to be here next year? Once the decision was made everything felt free."
Ma'u insists his decision has him playing better football, with the second-rower ready to fire come Saturday's crunch forward battle with Melbourne.
Desperate for a chance in rugby league after a stint in jail when he joined Parramatta in 2014, Ma'u has turned his life around at the club.
He has become a fan favourite, and received several messages of support and disappointment when he made the decision to leave two months ago.
But even considering his own development, Ma'u will feel like he has left the Eels with unfinished business if his last game is anything less than a grand final success,
"I turned (Hull) down a few times and I just told my manager I don't want to go, I've still got unfinished business here," Ma'u said.
"But they kept coming back and it got to a deal I couldn't turn down.
"It's going to be disappointing for me to leave this club. I've worked so hard in this past year. It's only going to get better in the future for the boys.
"But I don't want to finish here knowing we didn't go all the way."
Australian Associated Press
