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Boxing Day Test, Nine, 9.30am
The moment that told us that cricket has changed was the much discussed first ball Mitchell Johnson bowled to Indian captain Virat Kohli in the first Test in Adelaide. It was fast, short-pitched and it hit Kohli smack-bang, full force, on the front of his helmet. In the past, fieldsmen would have sniggered, oohed and aahed; a scowling Johnson would have got in the batsman's face and spat some choice epithets. Instead, six worried Australian players rushed in to make sure the Indian was OK and Johnson looked mortified. Most telling was the sight of Shane Watson and Mitch Marsh, hands on hips, the look on their faces saying “What the hell are we doing?” The battle between skilful batsman and aggressive bowler used to be about whether the former could avoid being hurt by the latter and counterattack, a thrilling contest, intimidation and response informed by skills of the highest order. But the Phil Hughes accident laid bare the truth of the intent that underlies sport as a ritualised substitute for war.
Doctor Who: Last Christmas, ABC, 7.30pm
BBC secrecy around forthcoming Doctor Who episodes has become as much of a tradition as the traditional annual Doctor Who Christmas special. But hints have been dropped about this year's yule-themed adventure. Peter Capaldi, the current Time Lord, has said the episode “is extremely Christmassy” with a plot line that is “quite dark”: "It's scary but it leaves you feeling warm and cheerful.” Jenna Coleman (Clara Oswald, the Doctor's companion) said “it makes you question what is real and what isn't, but with a thriller and psychological element”. DW executive producer Steven Moffat said: “It's the ultimate meeting of Christmas heroes – Santa Claus meets Doctor Who. The buddy movie you've always wanted.” We also know that Nick Frost (Shaun of the Dead) plays a grumpy Santa; and there's an appearance by Michael Troughton, son of Patrick, who played the second Doctor. Yo (W)ho (W)ho . . .
2014 Sydney to Hobart, Channel Seven, 12.30pm
Boats bobbing on the gorgeous Sydney Harbour for a messy start, then days of updates and pins in maps and talk of busted masts and vessels pulling up in bays from Ulladulla to Eden. Does it get any more exciting than the Sydney to Hobart yacht race?
Gordon Farrer
PAY TV
The Rolling Stones Rock and Roll Circus, Studio, 7.30pm
It's 1968 and the Stones are putting on a barmy circus-tent show with John Lennon, Yoko Ono, The Who, Jethro Tull and the exceedingly funky Taj Mahal. A chance to show the grandkids what the '60s were like.
Bad Education, BBC First, 10pm
Once upon a time, British comedies had to be kind of special to get a Christmas special.
The yuletide one-off tended to be the preserve of deeply cherished classics like Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em,Last of the Summer Wine, The Royle Family and The Office.
Now, though, it's open slather for any old rubbish. Here, juvenile teacher Alfie (series creator Jack Whitehall) sums up Bad Education quite succinctly when he declares that he doesn't do subtlety and that subtlety can . . . shall we say . . . perform acts of an intimate nature upon him.
And Whitehall is no more subtle in his acting than he is in his writing – his character is essentially a David Brent impression with a smear of Rik Mayall on top.
Tonight, he and his classroom full of stereotypes (the sexpot hellbent on seducing him, the Asian kid who stoically endures his casual racism) put on a Christmas play that blends The Nutcracker with Robocop.
Brad Newsome
MOVIES
Spies Like Us (1985), Go, 7.30pm
Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd had both been cast members of Saturday Night Live in its 1976 debut season and it was a success in America from virtually the beginning. When the various cast members ricocheted into film careers they were often convinced that they could pull anything off by dint of their mere presence. ForSpies Like Us, the story of two US government dimwits who are sent on a covert mission to distract the Soviets, that meant a lot of loose set-ups that relied on the banter and cheap gags that flowed between the pair. Still, their characters were great archetypes: Aykroyd as the wonkish American go-getter and Chase as an imbecilic WASP scion and in retrospect they look like a reasonably fair approximation of American's foreign policy in the Reagan '80s – only two years after the film came out Colonel Oliver North was having to explain why it made sense to sell Iran weapons to finance the Nicaraguan Contras.
Insomnia (2002), Thriller Movies (pay TV), 6.25pm
Christopher Nolan, having turned heads with his second feature Memento, was clear that he wanted to make blockbusters. By way of testing him – with a budget, with stars – he was assigned the American remake of a well-received 1997 Norwegian thriller. Make a tired genre fresh, was the challenge, and we'll give youBatman. So Insomnia is set in the Alaskan town of Nightmute, a close-knit community where the discovery of a teenage girl's corpse sees the arrival of two flawed detectives from Los Angeles, Will Dormer (Al Pacino) and Hap Eckhart (Martin Donovan), to head the investigation in a locale bathed in sunlight 24 hours a day, and one of the local detectives, Ellie Burr (Hilary Swank), is a devotee of Dormer's work. Nolan updates the genre's conventions with vitality – the requisite chase on foot is crowned with a set of terrifyingly exquisite shots as Dormer is trapped underwater – and in retrospect he's working on a comparatively small scale.
Craig Mathieson
