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There used to be a saying among TV producers: "You can't polish a turd but you can cover it in glitter." It meant any old rubbish could be prettied up with pictures, snappy editing and punchy sound.
After yesterday's High Court ruling that Qantas had unlawfully sacked more than 1600 workers, the airline is going to need a mountain of glitter to restore its reputation - and even then it will be unlikely to mask the smell. Thankfully for the airline, there are corporations out there which specialise in making turds look good. And Qantas has engaged one of them to do just that. It's called in Boston Consulting Group to gloss up its tarnished image.
Boston Consulting Group made headlines some years ago when it was revealed to be one of three companies tasked with putting a human face on Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, who earned himself infamy after the 2018 murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi in the Saudi consulate in Istanbul. BCG, along with consultancies Booz Allen and McKinsey & Company, have provided PR services and advice that has helped bin Salman consolidate his power over the kingdom, earning hundreds of millions of dollars for their efforts.
The horrific nature of Khashoggi's murder - he was lured to the consulate, killed, chopped into small pieces and removed in garbage bags - made many companies squeamish about doing business with the regime. But not these three. Where there's a buck to be made...
Qantas knows a thing or two about making a buck. Or holding onto other people's bucks to boost its bottom line. Or shedding a workforce unfairly and unlawfully. But public relations? That's been a glaring blind spot, hence the decision to call on BCG for help. But even BCG is unlikely to turn things around if the airline doesn't make a long overdue departure from its previous bad practices.
Sure, Alan Joyce has gone but the board that backed him and his sky-high bonuses remains. And now, added to the impending ACCC prosecution for selling already cancelled flights, is the prospect of having to compensate those unlawfully sacked workers, many of whom suffered immeasurably when they lost their jobs. Maurice Blackburn's principal Josh Bornstein is limbering up: "Our legal team will now ask the Federal Court to hear claims for compensation for all adversely impacted workers and then seek a substantial penalty against Qantas," he said after the High Court ruling.
Joyce's successor Vanessa Hudson has been handed a shit sandwich. She took a small bite of it yesterday as the airline apologised for the hurt the unlawful sackings caused. "As we have said from the beginning, we deeply regret the personal impact the outsourcing decision had on all those affected and we sincerely apologise for that," the Qantas statement said. A pinch of glitter.
Back in 1990, when the movie The Hunt for Red October was released, I asked producer Mace Neufeld who he thought cinema's next villains would be, now the Cold War was over and the Soviet Union was no more. "Evil corporations," he said. How right he was. Hardly surprising the big turd polishers are being called upon to make them look pretty.
HAVE YOUR SAY: What does Qantas need to do to restore its reputation? Should the Qantas board follow Alan Joyce out of the business? Should Joyce's golden parachute bonus be set aside to compensate the unlawfully sacked workers? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- The major parties, particularly members who are "absolute pork chops," have been castigated for old attitudes and not enough action in and outside Parliament on the treatment of women. A wide gathering of cross-party MPs and senators met in Parliament House on Wednesday along with people such as leaders from domestic violence services, the new Australian Domestic, Family and Sexual Violence commissioner Micaela Cronin, the chair of the Women's Economic Equality Taskforce Sam Mostyn, and author and activist Anne Summers.
- Former cabinet minister Stuart Robert has been referred to a federal corruption watchdog over his links to a consulting firm awarded lucrative government contracts. A parliamentary inquiry has been investigating Synergy 360 and allegations it was channelling money to a company linked to Mr Robert to win government work.
- Australia has let down its veterans for too long and government should be held to account when ensuring their wellbeing and mental health. That is the conclusion of commissioner Nick Kaldas after 26 months of the Royal Commission into Defence and Veteran Suicide.
THEY SAID IT: "In public relations, you live with the reality that not every disaster can be made to look like a misunderstood triumph." - Christopher Buckley
YOU SAID IT: Yet again, terrible parliamentary behaviour involving sexual harassment is in the spotlight.
"Albo's promise of an upgrade to the behaviour of our parliamentarians does not appear to have made much difference," writes Auld Hendy from WA. "Watching parliament in session recently the squabbling, name calling and innuendos do not appear to have changed. If anything it's worse! Surely our elected representatives could project a better image of themselves than that of 12-year-olds squabbling during playtime. What annoys me intensely is MPs elected on a party ticket resigning from the party for various reasons and retaining their seat as an independent when this was not what they were voted in on. They should be made to contest their seat again."
Deb writes: "If you did a straw poll and asked women if they had encountered unwanted behaviour, remarks or suggestions from men I reckon you would get inundated. I only have to think of the half a dozen times I have been touched and accosted from the time I was around four years old to know it's more common than people realise because we just never talk about it or tell anyone. I have never told anyone of my experiences because I find it embarrassing and I just put it down to life, and learn to avoid those men wherever possible. Perhaps we women should write to the male members of parliament and ask them what their code of conduct is and whether they are suitable to sit as an elected member. Thanks again for a great daily thought provoking communication."
"Toxic blokey behaviour has no place anywhere, any time," writes Arthur. "A major cultural change is required by men towards women by this base group of men who think women exist only for their own gratification. I think change has already started but is very much in its infancy. Parliament may help accelerate the change by setting an example for all workplaces. But we must not stop at just workplaces. It must apply everywhere and it will not happen overnight.
Ian writes: "The politicians who had a career before entering politics seem to be the ones who are most shocked by the behaviour in Parliament. It's not surprising, since anyone who has worked in the corporate sector for the last 20 to 30 years knows that there are rules about how to behave, and those rules derive from the laws made by the same politicians who still behave like bored school children. There's no need to expel the naughty kids, just name and shame, remove any prefect or house captain privileges and suspension for the serial offenders."
"Thank you for giving us the platform to voice our distaste of the men and women we pay massive amounts to make the most important decisions in our lives and our country," writes Carol. "How can we trust them to run this beautiful country and keep us all safe after seeing the disgusting behaviour they display in our parliament? I rest my case."