As Sydney reels from the horror of the Westfield Bondi Junction stabbing attacks, the thought of 'it could have been me' resonates with most people.
I lived about a 10 minute drive from the shopping centre where I regularly visited, less than seven years ago. I had a newborn at the time, wandering the levels with the pram, trying to get bub to sleep, while I also tried to get some 'me' time. It was a typical outing for a new mother - a much-needed shot of caffeine, a lazy browse, picking up nappies. Nothing crossing the mind that a stranger could in an instant, take that freedom away.
Again I would return to what was my happy haven and a light break from the daily routine of home life, this time, heavily pregnant with my second child. I knew every corner, every level of the centre. If someone asked me where a particular shop was, I would confidently help them find it. To see the footage of people days ago, escaping in desperation past each store I knew so well, was mind boggling. The last time I was at the centre, was the day I went into labour, I was 40 weeks pregnant with my daughter, waddling and shuffling, trying to speed up the process.
I now live in a different part of Sydney, but Bondi Junction holds a sentimental part of my memory. It was the place I could retreat to for a girly shop, a catch up with a friend, or when it rained, seek shelter at the soft play area with my toddler, on the top level, only metres from where the murderer was gunned down.
Still having friends in the area, I sought a safety check for their welfare in the moments after hearing of the attacks. One had only a couple of hours earlier, left the shopping centre. Another, was turned away from entering the car park moments after the attacks. The gesture was reciprocated - friends overseas texting in the middle of night if I was OK, as news of the incident made global headlines. This was Bondi. Arguably the most famous place in Australia. Yet also a regular suburb of Sydney where people go to their local shopping centre, not expecting anything different but a social meet-up or a grocery run.
In the wake of the carnage, I overheard a conversation in a cafe: "it's like Lotto, but in the worst way possible", followed by "this doesn't happen in Sydney", and "at least we're not in America and he had no gun". All reasonable observations. Yet it doesn't take away from the terrifying images, eyewitness accounts, and the unthinkable grief being felt by the families of all victims. Following the attacks, I was glued to the news. Yes, it's part of my job to be 'in the know', but this time, it felt personal. As journalists we are taught to tell the story, not be the story. It's not about us. But this time, the lines blurred a little, and raw emotion flooded to my experiences of being in that same place, just a different time.
Disrupted sleep and a general feeling of sadness for the victims' families followed. I was also conscious of not exposing my young children to coverage of the incident on the television, and turning off the radio in the car when they're with me. What I find helps, is focusing on seeing and hearing the 'good' news - people helping each other in times of absolute terror, the brave acts of others standing up to a killer, the shop owners offering customers refuge, the solo police officer running towards danger and eliminating it, and the overall 'checking in' on each other in the aftermath of the tragedy.
Beyond Blue's Chief Executive Georgie Harman says people can experience a wide range of feelings and emotions when shocking events happen.
"This will no doubt have a profound impact, bringing up feelings of shock, grief, immense sadness, anger, fear and helplessness," Ms Harman said.
"These feelings are normal as people try to process what has happened, and it will take time for emotions to settle, but it's never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed,"
Ms Harman said it's equally important to look out for any longer term mental health impact in the coming weeks and months, such as feeling overwhelmed, numb or detached, unable to focus or plan ahead, having a short fuse, or feeling irritated, constantly tearful, intrusive memories or bad dreams, or replaying the event over and over. "If you have prolonged feelings of distress, reach out for extra mental health support," Ms Harman said.
Research suggests a link between exposure to distressing events and mental health issues, and it's important to be ready to support children, and respond to their questions about what has happened. "Children look to adults to learn how to respond. Encourage questions and explain its normal to feel scared or worried and remind them they are safe," Ms Harman said.
Ms Harman says it can help to focus on the powerful acts of humanity we are seeing.
"Not just the acts of bravery by police and the response of paramedics, but the shoppers and staff who quickly came to people's aid. The community is rallying together in a time of crisis, which can help reduce feelings of despair or helplessness."
Support is available for those who may be distressed. Phone Lifeline 13 11 14; Mensline 1300 789 978; Kids Helpline 1800 551 800; beyondblue 1300 224 636; 1800-RESPECT 1800 737 732.
